Things to not do in 2019!

Things that none of should be doing in 2019

  1. Not being able to say no. It is good to have boundaries — whether professional or personal. It is about time that all of us realise it and keep things straight. This does not mean that everything is always compartmentalised, but it is good to have some set rules, which are there for self preservation. Boundaries are healthy and it is good to know your limits and choose, as and when to cross them. The idea is to have self awareness.
  2. Giving into fear. This might sound a little like the new age spiritual stuff that they tell you and it is. This is about making a choice consciously or otherwise to look at everything around you with fear. Perceiving things with fear usually distorts and aggravates everything including choices we make. Scarcity mindset, is the root of it as well. If only one could stop making choices based on fear — there would be fewer adults who hate their life.
  3. Fearing failure. There is a pretty awesome saying and I am paraphrasing— it is not possible to not fail, unless you do nothing, which would mean that you fail by default. It is just that simple — do not not do something just because you are afraid of how it might not work.
  4. Fearing what people would say. So many of us, do not take the leap just because we are stuck thinking about what others will say to your leap or its consequence. It is a simple notion — anybody who is actually focussed on building their own dream is the least bothered about what anybody else is doing. Stop worrying about it — it is really not your problem. Just do what you need to do to make your life as close to your ideal, as possible.
  5. F*&k the notions. I am talking about conditioning. It is about time to let go of all the notions that have been drilled into your head by your parents, friends, society. I have made a revelation — we tend to react and respond — at first — as per our conditioning. We need to question everything : it is imperative that before responding to anything, we question where that belief comes forth from. Is it really your’s? I have believed a lot of bull that I was told by my parents, teachers and well meaning adults — but you know, their issues, their upbringing made them impose their beliefs on you. You have to create your own beliefs.
  6. Appreciating nihilism and cynicism in any way. Laughing at or lauding the negative — imbibing them into your mind and soul, does you a huge disservice. It is healthy to question, to know, be aware but we have normalised the nihilism that was a characteristic primarily associated with surly teenagers. There is a lot to be grateful for and a lot is going for you even when you do not see it — life affirming beliefs are not just woo-woo talk. Your beliefs create your reality.
  7. Knowing that yoir feelings are your own responsibility. This is something that mostly everyone who is labelled as an adult is not aware. Your feelings are on you. You create your own reality, you are the source of your own emotions. I find it embarrassing that at some point in my life, I have actually given “Being Angry” as an excuse for my misdemeanour. If someone is ill tempered then it is not an excuse but an aspect of their persona that they need to work on. Similarly, your joy or happiness is also your onus.
  8. Not owning your success. The idea of humility is not to not own up and celebrate your own success. Make every achievement a notch on your yardstick, celebrate them. Life is in these small moments. We are always on the path — thinking about the next goal that is going to make it worth it. But life is passing you by in this moment, right now and it is a celebration. Isn’t the simple fact that we are living breathing, healthy beings not enough to be joyous?
  9. Overlook the casual sexism, racism. We always do it, do we not? Look over or glaze over when there are people who are being casually sexist — just to avoid confrontation? There are relatives, parents, friends — anybody at all who we tend to be close. It is time to not zone out but make a point in a demure way. Disagreements do not have to be ugly conflicts.
  10. No Self care. Indulgence is not a bad word. We work to nourish our soul and earn money. We should not hesitate to spend it on ourselves. Self care is important and looks different for everyone. It is pertinent that you take out time for yourself to fill your cup before pouring to others. I would suggest keeping a list handy of the things that you mean self care for you.
  11. Little Self development. Unmoving rocks gather moss. This stands true for people too. Never should we ever stop learning and growing. Challenge yourself. Keep increasing the perimeter of your comfort zone.
  12. Denying your feelings. We have been living in a society where there are two extremes — either people are wearing their heart on their sleeves so much so that it borders on TMI or they just deny their real feelings — repress them and are always triggered. It would be a better year, if you accept your feelings, process them and let them go.
  13. Making long to do list which gives you anxiety. The solution to this is simple — compartmentalise. Make shorter lists pertaining to a type or area of the work — finish them and feel better, rather than always berating yourself for incomplete lists.
  14. Not choosing balance. It is usually said that one can choose 3 out of these 5 — Health, Family, Friends, Work, Sleep. I would like say that the ratio for all these in your life is subjective and one can strive for a balance. The right balance is relative. Choose your own mix.

These are the things — that are on top of my not to do list. What are your’s?

Have a fabulous year,ahead!

 (This was posted originally on Medium, 2nd January, 2019)

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