On becoming comfortable as a feminist.

It is an everyday task that has to be done — there is a lot of conditioning that needs to be shaken off.

Everyone is who anybody knows that US football team won and that led to a debate over their pay scale, as against their male counterparts and that is highly welcome.

It is still too late to bloom, moreover, it should not have taken a victory for this debate to have gathered momentum.

I came across a video of Megan Rapinoe dancing and I felt the universal joy.

I do not know much about her, but am already pretty much a fan, here is someone who led a team to victory, the team worked hard and they deserve all the laurels that are being placed their way.

But, I also felt this nagging discomfort while watching this video.

Well, it became clear after a few days, when the social media trolls started going for her with tweets like these.

I delved a little deep and that is when I realised that it was my conditioning, at play, yet again. I have been brought up and raised in the subcontinent, moreover, in a catholic school.

The prim and proper behaviour guide mandates a certain parameter of how women can behave in public places.

We were told as children that girls are supposed to be coy, demure and all things sober and elegant.

This is later reinforced when as women we are told to in a subtle way that we need to not be authentic to what we are feeling, at any and most moments.

Be happy but not loud, be sad but do not be a drama queen and cry, be angry but do not express it in a way that men usually do, lest you would be labelled a bitch. Be violated but adapt or look from the other perspective. Maintain calm and apologise to keep the status quo. Do not raise your voice lest you labelled crazy.

We live in a world where women are described as unapologetic about their success nut men have never been described that way. Anyway, why should anyone be apologetic about their success?

I realised that as women we are always supposed to be guarded, have our inhibitions and that is not necessarily is being true to ourselves.

We feel one thing and rarely are expected to show the full range of our emotions.

I am all for taking responsibility for your emotions.

But if we are doing that then we should let go of these old notions which teach us how to feel.

A man is never called crazy when he starts showing aggression in a professional setting — he is praised as someone who does not take nonsense and knows their mind.

A man is never told to dance only a certain way lest he be asking for it.

It is basically never even taught to them-unlike us, we are indoctrinated with ideas about virtues and purity.

Let us be more authentic.

Next time you feel something — express. Express to be better to be authentic and express without thinking and over analysing so much. Express in a manner that dignifies you and the situation.

Do not hold back, express without inhibitions. Do not pay heed to the naysayers, be authentic, be yourself. If it someone who expresses less, good, if that is someone who roars at a win, be that ferocious version of yourself.

Just as I am finishing this, I came across this tweet.


Validation that there are more women who are thinking like me, in this time.

(This was posted originally on Jul 19, 2019 on Medium.)

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